You Are What You Eat, And You Can't Eat Happy

I ate meat and dairy (without reservation) for 31 years. I claimed to be an animal lover my whole life. "I love you, but I'm going to eat you. Yes, EAT you." Hm . . . Yes, that bore a hole in my heart and I lived with it most of my life (a totally different kind of diet-related heart-disease, when you think about it). 

I really did love nature and animals, but there was an obvious disconnect residing in my subconscious, and if I ever paid it any attention, is was undeniable. So . . . I just didn't.

"I'm afraid I won't be happy without meat." "I'm afraid to give it up". "I'm afraid to change." But what am I giving up, truly? I'm afraid to not eat meat? I do it already sometimes without even trying. 

Eating meat doesn't make you happy. It doesn't fulfill you. You are what you eat, but you can't eat happy. 

Happiness comes from love, laughter and life. Happiness is a subjective thing, not a material thing. Not a piece of food. 

Eating is a fleeting sensation lasting mere seconds. A flavour, a texture. No one lays on their death bed (most if us from dietary related western diseases of affluence) and thinks about that time they ate meat or drank milk. For goodness' sake, most of us feel guilty after even eating a burger or anything slathered in cheese! 

And somewhere deep inside, there's that suppressed little voice creating a dark little void in your heart, because you know you're eating the creatures you say you love. You know, that there is no justification for eating--for EATING someone you say you love. That is greed. That is you living a lie. That is disconnection to the finest degree.

Guilt stays with us. We suppress it, ignore it. Cognitive dissonance in a nutshell. But it's always there. 

WE are alive--we understand pain, fear, love, death and the desire to exist and be happy. We all know how those things ARE LIFE. They are happiness. The meaning of life . . . Is to enjoy it, to be happy, no? To find that meaning, one cannot live in fear, or in pain, or struggle or be confined. 

You need freedom to find happiness. 

Freedom to roam. Freedom from pain. Freedom from suffering. Freedom from fear. If we value those things and know why, then we know when we're causing unhappiness for others. We know we're ruining their life. If we value those things, we value LIFE as a whole, as a concept, as the be all and end all. 

Still, we kill for the fleeting sensation of a morsel in our mouth. The fleeting sensation that does nothing to quell the guilt of knowing you're eating suffering, pain and death. You are what you eat. 

So I set out to figure out what was really going on in the world. I found documentaries on Netflix and youtube, I read books (many of them mentioned in those films), I studied people I came across in my studies. I watched the films, the footage, the horrors. I read studies and investigated science. I set out to figure out why I felt the way I did: conflicted.

Through it all, I made myself suffer--on purpose, because you know . . . You know the ONLY way you will stop eating other living creatures is by truly realizing what you're eating: The pain, the suffering, the emotional anguish, the torture and the repulsion you feel for suppressing it and living with it subconsciously every moment of every day. You're eating your own mental anguish by eating theirs as well. You're eating the rotting bodies that were all cashed in and subsidized for profit. The massive profit and greed of an entire industry. You're eating to make someone else some money. 

Money and caring can't exist together. It's a total conflict of interest.

So, you watch the hell they live, the suffering, fear and abuse because you want to change your mindset, you want to not want meat. You want "meat" and "dairy" to be synonymous with "pain" and "suffering" in your mind. You want to be free from want, free from fear, free from death. Suddenly, you realize it. You are what you eat. It's an addiction that you can't escape because you haven't seen the other side. You're afraid to try because it feels so good to eat meat--and what, be happy?

Why did I not only think these things, but believe them? Why could I never bring myself to question this part of me? I needed to stop living in fear and set myself free.

I needed to know every other angle of it all too: health, environment, ethics, all of it. I realized there's no reason not to give up the pain, suffering, fear, death: animal products. The only thing I was holding on to was . . . Fear. 

I put myself through hell, but it was never my hell, it was theirs--the victims of fear, pain, suffering and abuse that I ate needlessly for 31 years without thinking of them. I put myself through their hell, and in my mind, it was my hell because it all existed simply because I wanted to eat them, not because I needed to. I learned, and I cried and cried and cried. It was absolutely horrible and extremely hard. I kind of knew, but now I really know what I was AFRAID to know. But I knew all along. I always knew. 

And now, I've suffered.

And now, I'm free. 

We are what we eat, and we are what we don't eat. Freedom. Humanity. Love. Compassion. Understanding. Truth. 

Freedom . . . Is what I needed to be happy. Freedom from the fear, the suffering, the pain. Thank god I never died from it. 

Now, I'm happy. You can't eat happy, but by not eating pain, suffering, fear & death, I have the freedom to be happier than ever!

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